i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Your penis caused this!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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