So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
