Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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