i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
