Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
