but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
