I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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