she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Come on in and take your pants off
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