I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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