saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
