OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
