sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
