Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
