I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
