I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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