ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
