So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
