last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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