I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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