You made me cry and you don't even care
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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