I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The ass gains better be worth it
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