Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My cat gives me a boner
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
