think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
