You just made me feel so damn special
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
