what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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