why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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