I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
