Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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