the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
