I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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