On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
