Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
