you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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