i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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