did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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