just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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