What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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