Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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