No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
