me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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