I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
