We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Even my vagina gasped.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
