the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
