we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
