thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so let's talk penis.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We need a shit load of segways right now
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
