I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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