MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
