oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
