Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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