He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The air taste purple.
Randomize
