benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
