Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
