No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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